Well, it's been some days since the last time I've written my last entry... I really wanted to write good stuff, and I haven't had good stuff until now...
And it's all about this new stuff I have to write today, this thing about me...
This boy, he drives me absolutely crazy!!! There's no moment I'm not thinking about him. He's definitely a part of me... a HUGE part of me.
And I never thought that problem was about to happen to me... At first, he's my best friend... Then, he has a Spanish girlfriend (I don't know where did she came from), and at last I'm living in the other extreme side of the world... I'm in the US, while he's in Argentina. Is there any other reason that could make this worse? Yeah, it seems he's never gonna end that weird relationship but finally a relationship with his Spanish girl... But even though everything is hard for me right now, I just try to keep a smile on my face, because I learned to be happy with the simplest things of life... I'm happy with those little but incredibly things that still join me and him together... And even though I'm always crying and thinking about him, I can't stay mad at him for anything, and he's my inspiration in every single thing I do... Every single thing I think about, every single song I write, every single status I put on my Facebook page, every single dream I dream, every moment when I drive myself to the future and imagine the perfect part of my story: Endless love with him.
I really wanna leave something clear... This is the first time I fell in love for someone. This time everything has been different than everything that has ever happened to me before. There's such a great understanding with him, such a good communication, such an awesome relationship... And every time I see him smiling in a picture, I just smile, because I can see he's happy, he's in a good mood, he's feeling good... and his happiness is the most important thing about me right now. That's what makes my heart keep on beating... His happiness. And it's like... If you take him outta my heart, outta my life... I'll never be the same, I won't be me ever again. Since he entered in my life, I feel he's the reason to smile for, he's the reason I live for, He is... Me.
I remember really too well, the time I told him I love him and then I just felt that feeling of regret... Because maybe it was too soon, but I really wanted to let him know what I was feeling for him, and it is still something that persists inside of me.
You may think there are lots of reasons to complain about, but... even though a part of me has found a lot of them, the nicest part of me tells me to smile, and not to complain about anything...
Because I could be in another situation... For example, as wishing to be his friend... And nowadays, I'm his BEST GIRL FRIEND!!!! What would be another best reason to smile for? No other.
There's no other choice... I may have to wait, I never give up...
I think some people is lucky, but life is not about being lucky, because I think each one of our destinies is already written, and if you throw a dice in a table and you have bet that you were gonna get a 5 and win $3000 for that... It's not about luck!! It's about what life has brought you for, the mission you have been brought for here. And if you're meant to be a billionaire, you'll be one, and if you're meant to be homeless that's why you are what you are... Life is not about who's lucky and who's not, it's not about betting... It's about following your destiny, following you're life, and if you are a good person, that's something destiny can't handle, and if you're that way, thing's are gonna be a better way for you... And you can apply this concept to whatever your life situation is.
And if it comes to this, I just have to mentalize myself I'm gonna get ther best, I'm gonna be loved, and I'm gonna get everything I want and all I'm meant to have in my life.
It's this time I've realized I can be happy with him.
Think about it... I'm really far away, he has his girlfriend and with every single one of his words I'm happy... Think about my happiness if I'm his girlfriend!!
I think that if I see him next January 16th or 17th, 2011, I would hold him tight, give him the most warm hug he has ever been given, and the perfect thing would be kissing him. That kiss will free me of all my doubts and bring instantly happiness to my life and heart. Yesterday he told me I made of his sad and boring life, a happy life... I made him smile... There's someone who really thinks about him, someone who really loves him, and that someone is ME.
I love you as I never did before and I really thank you for such an incredible friendship, I thank you for entering in my life, being part of it and make me happy even having a girl in the other hemisphere of the world. You're the best person I've ever met in my life, and I cherish every moment we spent together (they were not much but they mean a lot to me), I cherish our friendship, I cherish your loving and caring soul and personality you've always had with me, and I know you're the same way with everyone else.
I love you.
- M
Belu
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